Unfulfilled Void


She dumped me for another guy at last. What do you expect from a man of no value afterall? Of no color. Close to nothing. Surprisingly, I manage to be calm in the midst of my chaotic inner feelings. As if all this while, life is. in a non-conformist way, preparing me for this moment to come. After the losing of Shiro, here comes another losing. The losing of a person that supposedly help me filling up the void within. The person I desperately want to spend the rest of my life with. And that guy, the guy who made her pin a smile on her face so delicately, who made her laugh so endearingly. It pains my heart knowing the fact that the guy is not me. As self-contradictory a phase I walk in right now, the calmness is only a denial of my losing in the battlefield. Of not having the only thing I ever wanted in life.

Tsukuru. It’s always a moment of another realization in every our very encounter. Trust me, never for once it ever crossed my mind to beguile you about my feelings. The attraction is reciprocal. It’s that crystal clear and transparent.

(Inspired by Haruki Murakami’s novel under the title ‘Colorless Tzukuru Tazaki’, because I find the ending rather hanging, whether Tsukuru finally ended up with Sarah or not, I self-made a conclusion)