Walking Excitement 2

When she was 22 the future looked bright, she is nearly 30 now and she is out everynight. The lines best describe my life that past 2 months. Life has its own ways to test us, every of us, for I sure believe, struggling and walking their own path. So do I. To think that I’m coming out safe and sound up to this point is such a blessing. The more the steps move forth and time followings tither, the more grateful I am to be able to read my favorite books, to eat my favorite foods, to listen to my favorite songs, and the first and foremost to continue on walking the dream; of studying in English Literature. I come out stronger than my previous self, I prove to no one but to my old self, that I’m capable of standing on my own feet. 

What society (by ‘society’, I mean,here in my country) expects from a 26 years old girl is to get married (don’t get me wrong, I want to get married and have babies, but my Mamoru Shiba is still hiding himself and busy with his own life, chasing his dream) or at at least already get a decent paid job. For the latter, I can’t get anymore grateful, last July, I tried to apply for a job, what interested me at that time was because the job was related to my area of expertise, a content writer, and it was about mom and baby, in a startup company ‘Smilemelody.Inc’ (I find the name of the company sounds beautiful), they run an application ‘MiMi’ (Pregnancy, Period and Ovulation Calendar, Cycle Tracker). There came my first ‘real job’ interview and at last got my first full time job. I’m so grateful for what I have learnt there, my CEO (he is a Chinesse), he tought us so many things, from how to properly working in a professional environment (which is I’m or say, we are all, totally new to this) to teach us new skills (how to mind-mapping and lay-outing). Let’s not talk about salary, because it is way beyond my expected salary (I used it to pay for my collage tuition fee though), but because I’m still a collage student, I’m no longer working full time but part time at the company, that doesn’t require me to go to the office (thank God, I don’t have to experience a morning craziness and back to my dormitory dead tired anymore, it will do harm to my physical health in a long run, especially because I’m still studying, so my CEO with the help of the Human Resource shifted my position to PT). 

From then on, I learn valuable lessons, when you feel downright hopeless about how your life will be going on, there will be a light if we believe it. God will never leave us miserable without his helping us in time of dire need of the helping hands. It happens to me, up to this moment, when I felt hopeless and helpless, I tried to challange my limit, and there was a light. I don’t know about the future, but I’m doing my best for my dreams, to make them real, no matter how petty they are for others, but means the world for us, we have this inner strength, inner perseverence to push us forward and carry on. Let’s keep on walking proud the path, self! 

It’s sad but it’s true how society says

Her life is already over

There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say


The Importance of Having Clarity of Purposes

My eyes accidentally bumped into this quote this morning, “Talent is cheap, dedication what takes you your life: and is expensive.”. As I once wrote here, what’s most important for those aspiring writers according to Haruki, talent is the most essential it is, because it is a fuel, what makes the engine works, but the last point endurance, what takes one a dedication to the chosen field. I once attended ‘Supermentor‘ an event rendered by Dino Patti Jalal back in 2014, only I forgot which speaker said the sentence, there three of them (if my memory has it well reserved): Mr.Dino Patti Djalal, Mr. Johannes Suryo, and Mr. Ignatius Jonan. One of them said, what is lacking in Indonesia, beside its enormous amount of genius minds is the lack of dedication in the chosen fields: dedicated soul, let’s say, because it is what most of fresh graduates expected right after they graduated from university: to get a decent paid job, even when it doesn’t coincide with their study in the university, it is as simple a reason –to have it mostly if not, partially, or majority voices–: pragmatism. I don’t want to talk further about it, even when I want to, what I want to hightlight here is, the important of having clarity of purposes, thus knowing thyself becomes an important issue, to know your purposes, you need to know yourself, what triggers you to get up each day, what sparks the soul and gets you going no matter how heavy a storm out there that tries to stumble your walking the taken road (in a short a term it spells: passion), if you have it or them purposes clearly set in mind, you know why you are living and breathing, this is what Kimanzi Constable said, not just merely ‘existing‘ as in the existence of one physical form, but the purest essence of living as a purposeful being. This term in Javanesse, called ‘sangkan-paran‘, you know what sets you on fire and hard-headed to keep on carring on,I really like those coined term, one story that represents the phrase in Javanese is the story of Dewi Ruci, it is Bima’s persistency and firmness in his purposes to get ‘holy water’ in order to save the rest of his siblings from Kurawa, what leads him to enlightment at last. What is being said by Irving, by Haruki –in term of endurence, the speaker, and what Bima did are all basically rooted in one word: dedication. Let’s have it a word a truism, dedication what creates innovation, new inventions by wholeheartedly dedicated scientists, existing masterpieces by the greatest artists of the walking or say certain period of time, what creates the great thinkers of all time or philosophers, but it is only a mere word without further walking into the word. More dedication souls to come, hopefully in Indonesia, in the future.

Walking Excitement

I once told someone, to be able to continue my study in English Literature had been my dream back then, and I wrote a writing about it (who knows it actually came true the dream), Only I wasn’t sure enough yet at the time and I was the one held responsible for it. For I sure believe this is the working of conspired universe, I’m glad now I wasn’t giving up the dream, I’m that kind of person who thinks about the things I want, over and over (and most of time, I got what I wanted), even in my sunsconcious mind, when I’m walking, breathing, I bring the passion along, even when I wasn’t yet walking the path as I’m right now, back then, I still had the believe, that the dream would someday come into walking realization, only I didn’t know yet how it would bring me to the currently taken road. Long story short, I believe in this one forceful quote by Paulo Ceulho, the Alchemist, “When you really want something, the universe will conspire.” It happened to me at last, God granted the dream in the least expected way. Now, I have no way to be least excited, if anything, every waking up is a brand new excitement. There I’ll see myself 5 or 7 years from now on, to be the person I wanted to be:

– Prolific writer (in any form, but mainly a novel, because it has been my biggest dream to be a writer.), and

– Lecturer (my mother wanted her children to be lecturers, as she is an English teacher herself, a charming one, and not to mention it is in line with my passion. I have this university to continue my master at, I have promised myself, as it was suggested by Mr.R(andom), if I happened to continue my master there, I’ll take a visit to Dylan Thomas tomb) I know, universe will conspire, I only need to have the believe).

Mr.R(andom) once questioned me, what did I do in 25 years of living (to never for once in a relationship, it seemed so plain and boring a life to him) I really wanted to tell him, it had been a struggling for me to be in this point I’m right now, all those years spent, I regretted nothing, even when at last I had to lose the soul still (only God knows how much I love her, how she means the world to me, how I just randomly checked, just in case there is any worrisome messages from her, you have no idea how big a lost it is to me still). But thank you, you have been the one, who happened to be there in my most darkest time. You have no idea, how thankful I’m for having you at that time, when I thought it was impossible for me to smile, you suggested me to read ‘The Martian‘, it brought me an endless laugher. And your random massage, just when I needed to be all alone, there your random message of ‘oi’ or ‘oioioi’ distracted me (it becomes my nickname then, I guess), it was you and Mr.Ar who made it less a downturn, thank you. Never for once in my life I laughed so hard (at the midnight) and flastered at the same time because of this:

And it was simply the stupidest question for asking me why I care a lot about you, you said I’m one of your best friend, so do you to me okay. I never thanked God enough for having a person in my life, really, you made everything better (If you think I’m preaching you, you got me wrong, okay) but also made me so frustrated for the first time over a person. For another Mr.Ad, who I met recently (not really recently, it was prob 4 months ago). I’ve lost the one I cherished the most in my life in a hospital (I promise myself to never go to the place, ever again, I have enough bad memories there already, that’s why I’m so strict when it comes to foods) I hope you can be the one, a competent doctor, who can save many lives in the future, never ever do a silly thing again okay, not again please, in your life, I’ve partially read Punpun anyway (I was wondering, why they made Punpun looked like that, even when his name speaks cute to me, I’m not really sure, what animals resemble the shape, I guess, a Penguin, don’t you think so? And you never told me it was a rated comic, Good God my eyes) but there is this part that I love the most from the comic

Anyone who only holds other people back is gonna live an unhappy life. Who cares if you have a dream, right?”

I have been this kind of person who takes it seriously what’s given in hands. Even when it wasn’t easy but there was always a way, and what doesn’t kill you only make you stronger. I’m glad I’m living and walking my dream -not someone else’s. I feel like a complete person already, I have what I want and need, and it is more than enough a granted wish for me. God, for I sure believe, loves me a bit too much. It’s enough, I feel enough, and never feel this enough in my life.

“Tomorrow, will be a better day.”